Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's top entertainers devoted their airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access system for the affluent.

Colbert's Pointed Spin

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial program which permits foreign citizens to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for $5 million. A government portal promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also meant to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, involving significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – if it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining approval numbers amid economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.